The Beginning :: Part A
So, this is going to be a lot of very personal information that you may or may not want to know…but I do feel that people should know about our story and specifically what roadblocks we came across along the way.
I grew up with a very strong desire to make sure that my husband was the first person I ever slept with. This was a personal and spiritual choice for me. So, as the time for our wedding approached I knew that I should start talking to my ONGYN about birth control…isn’t that what everyone does? I knew I was having some extreme pain around the time I should be ovulating each month, but I didn’t know exactly why. I chatted with my Dr and he thought the best answer was to put me on the lowest dose of birth control to help level me out without the extreme highs and lows – the assumption being that my body didn’t react well to the change in hormones around that time. He prescribed the NuevaRing to me. Now, if you don’t know about this medication, I can tell you that since being prescribed this medication, it has become known as a major cause of blood clots and other (even fatal) issues in young women. See that article here:https://www.drugdangers.com/nuvaring/blood-clots/
I was on the birth control for the 3 months before our wedding (began June 2010) and then for 8 months after. I got numerous UTI’s (which trust me, was not due to all the reasons your dr says you get them). My body was litterally fighting with the NuevaRing the entire time I was using it and this was one of the side effects I was having. At around the 11th month of using the NR I began bleeding… and not just a few drops, I’m talking like full on period…WITH the ring still in. (To understand how the Ring works, you may want to look it up…but THIS WAS NOT SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN.) I called my Dr to ask what to do, left a message with the nurse and within 30 minutes my actual Dr had called back…not a nurse with a message, my Dr was calling to ask me what was going on and to help assess the issue. I honestly didn’t know much was wrong, but the fear in his voice could not be hidden. He told me he had NEVER heard of this happening in his 20+ years as an OB. His fear was palpable, even through the phone. I hung up the phone, followed his directions and have never been on birth control since. That was May 2011.
Because I was no longer on birth control and my hubby and I had decided we wanted kiddos sooner rather than later (remember he’s 8 years older than I – we got married when he was 32). We decided to begin trying Fall 2011. I assumed it would take a few months and I would be able to go into the new year with the anticipation of my first born coming in 2012. But as the new year came and went, I was starting to loose hope. Then as April 2012 came I knew that 2012 would pass without any babies in our home. There is an entirely other post for another time about the emotional roller coaster unknown infirtility puts you through. But by this point in our journey I can tell you that I was confused, slightly depressed, and wondering if I would ever be able to carry a child within me.
The rest of 2012 passed without much traction. I was taking my temperature every morning, jotting down the tiny newaunces of where my temp landed and what that meant for my cycle. I would try to eat all the right things and take the right vitamins. I was becoming a slave to my cycle and my marriage was taking a hit for it. -Nothing like telling your hubby when we would NEED to have some “alone time” vs when we would need to wait. We had Drew tested for potential issues and all I can say to that is, he passed with flying colors! This was great news and yet, it confirmed what I had assumed. Something with ME was wrong. This is not me playing the pitty game, this was me, knowing and understanding that something had felt off with my body since I was in college and I knew that I would need more assessments to figure this out.
This is the best app that I have found for free to track your temp and cycle. You can purchase the “wink” product to go with it, but I just used the app and it worked just fine. You will also need a thermometer that goes to the 100th of a degree…not just the 10th. You need it to take your basal temperature. (another post on that later…) This is a great option – has an app to help you track as well. Or this one looks good too, a little cheaper!
In January of 2013 my Dr suggested we try clomid. Now, some of you know what this means, if you have been on this medication, I want to say I’m so sorry. All I can say is, this is the worst medication I have ever been on. It’s like taking an extra strong dose of PMS all wrapped up in a nice little pill…WHILE you are on your period. I still remember stepping outside and slipping on some ice, as I was falling, I was 100% sure my world was crashing around me! I was crying hysterically and all I could get out when Drew asked if I was hurt was, “No, but I think the world is ending.” I really truly felt like everything was imploding on itself and I would need to say goodbye to all my loved ones ASAP – I was having my first full on panic attack and I had no idea why. I’m not being dramatic…this medication constantly played with my emotions and feelings.
2013 was a long hard year. To be continued…